Today is our wedding anniversary, and I am missing him so much. It is still a shock that he is not here to celebrate this day nor here to plan our next anniversary.

We always did something, even if it was just a walk followed by a nice meal at home. I shared last year some of our anniversary memories, so I thought this year I’d share some of the very last photographs Robert took on his phone. They are all from Portugal, and bring back happy memories of our Portuguese sojourns, as well as his annoying amusing habit of capturing candid photos of me!

Hopefully one of these days I will be able return to Portugal, and perhaps even return to some of these settings. In the meantime I am taking smaller adventures.

Today I am in Scotland, a place Robert loved and he would have been delighted I am staying again with his sister’s extended family in Edinburgh. I am also over the next few days catching up with some fabulous Scottish friends of his and also of mine. I am so looking forward to seeing them all. Joy is fleeting after my life changing loss, but I do find it occasionally, and I am sure I will find it a few times this week with them. But before you all rush to ‘celebrate’ the joy of this week’s adventures or even the memories of our life together, please remember I am grieving. It is not just that he is missing today, I have lost our future together too. It is one of the reasons I struggled through this month last year and why I am struggling again this year. It is okay to struggle, though, as whilst grief after a devastating loss is incredibly hard to live with some days, its ongoing presence reflects the intensity and the beauty of the love. Robert was my soulmate, even on those days when he drove me crazy with those candid shots!

Happy Anniversary Robert, I love you.

30 thoughts

  5. Your love for Robert will always be with you, Becky, and I hope those annoying – sorry – amusing candid shots bring a smile to your face as you remember that while you were doing whatever it was you were doing, Robert was basking in all things ‘you’. Love and hugs as always 💜🥰💜

    Liked by 1 person

  6. While the grief continues, and will, it’s a good sign when those bits of joy start pushing their way in, slowly and insidiously but necessarily. Being with friends a/o family is the perfect balm, the place to share grief, yet look ahead, to cry and be held, to remember and smile through the tears. ❤ ❤ It would be far worse if Robert's loss didn't devastate you but he also leaves you a legacy of love and memories that are imperishable and beyond price.

    janet

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I think this is the perfect way to mark this difficult date, with photos Robert himself took of your happy times together. I hope that somehow it ]brings him closer – I think maybe it will. I hope you find plenty of those moments of joy in Scotland and in the coming year.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hugs Becky. I know there is a huge Robert shaped hole in your life that will be impossible to fill, but hopefully being with friends and family will bring some comfort as you share memories of this special day.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I am happy that the flower was alright. I guessed that Robert would have given you flowers but I didn’t know how, so this was the best way I could think of xx

        Like

    1. Hee hee! Thank you again so much for joining me yesterday. So lovely to see you too, although my head is still whirring from the Smash Hits!

      Like

  13. He thought you were beautiful, and he wasn’t wrong, Becky. His love for you shines through and I can just picture the gentle smile as he took these shots. Together you could take on the world, but you’ve lost your shield. I can imagine how incredibly difficult it must be to get out of bed and find motivation, but darlin, you’re doing just that, every day. And you have other people who love you, and whom you love. I hope you will enjoy their company. Sending hugs to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Grief is such a personal thing and I like how you have captured your love for Robert so well. Keep writing about him as I think it’s all part of the healing process. Kia kaha, Becky.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Not the easiest of days for you but do so hoping you will find yourself with a few smiles as you struggle through today. So many happy memories of your wonderful Robert will help a little I do hope.

    ⁣Get BlueMail for Android ​

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so far Mum. He’d have loved what I did yesterday, and today I’m wearing one of my new dresses which he would have adored 🥰

      Like

    1. It was incredibly hard to write, and this morning as I reread it not easy. But I’m also really feeling the love this morning, being in Scotland is proving to be the perfect place 💕

      Liked by 2 people

  18. Dear Becky. Thinking of you with much caring. These words if yours resonate and ring so very true: “…whilst grief after a devastating loss is incredibly hard to live with some days, its ongoing presence reflects the intensity and the beauty of the love.” The love you shared shines through, deeply.

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.