Hello world, I am still here

It is nearly two months since I last posted but it feels so much longer. I had plans to drop by in December but the month proved to be much more challenging than I expected. I will share a little bit more about Christmas in another post over the weekend.

I have no idea really what happened to the first few weeks of January. This week I feel like I am beginning to emerge, but it is taking a lot of effort. Today is meant to be a rest day as I have been incredibly busy all week, but the urge to write has come upon me so I thought I’d put together a few posts. This is the first and hopefully a couple more will follow.

So a quick update on life as a widow. It has been nearly 10 months. I miss Robert immensely, the size and intensity of my loss is impossible to describe. Life is hard, but there are odd moments of joy and I welcome those. Laughter, beauty and friendship help recharge me, they help build resilience and they help me continue to take a day at a time.

Life this month is about sorting books, and before anyone says ooh yes I had to sort loads of books too when my parent died, or my great aunt or my next door neighbour. Unless they were an antiquarian book dealer then you probably won’t know the scale of the challenge.

In fact this week I walked more than 5 miles carrying boxes in and out of this container, last week it was just under 4 miles and I will be doing the same again on Monday. We are not quite going round in circles, although some days it feels like it. Progress is being made and by the end of next month this container should be mostly empty of books.

The container is only half the challenge. There are also boxes and shelves of books in the garage, and then the multiple bookcases and boxes in the house. The auctioneer who is visiting this week envisages taking away between 40 to 60 large boxes of books and that won’t even be the whole collection as they are unlikely to want them all. Again though it will be progress.

When not moving and discussing books I am seeing friends, and walking lots. I found it difficult to walk in December and my daily steps outdoors dropped to an average of only 5,500 a day. This month so far I have achieved a daily average of 7,500 steps outdoors; not as good as in November but it is a step in the right direction again. It has been beautiful some days, and whilst it is still way too difficult to take out my beloved camera my phone has be able to capture a glimpse of the beauty. These were taken on a day when movement felt impossible as weather plays no part in whether or not it is a good or challenging day. Some days are just hard and grief is not linear. I will share more next week, but in the meanwhile hello to everyone and thank you for your messages.